Direct or Harsh: What’s the Difference? Why Should You Care?

There’s a difference between being direct and being harsh. These two types of feedback will result in very different outcomes. It’s always important to be direct when giving your employees feedback so that you can create clarity in any situation, however you should be able to do this in a productive way.

Being too critical in your approach and coming off too harsh in your directness can cause others to become defensive. This can shut them down or cause them to be angry with you. Both of these emotional states will prevent your employees from making use of the feedback you are giving them and stunts any creative thinking. 

In the long term, being too harsh with your criticisms is not just ineffective in the moment, it will also serve as a barrier to sustainable change within the organization. It can add to ongoing performance difficulties since the individual will either lose motivation on an emotional level (disengaged with the organization) or will be too frightened to do anything outside the box. Plus, any changes made through harsh feedback will only be there temporarily. 

In order to give your team feedback that they will fully process and integrate, you will need to do so in a healthy and trusting environment where authentic and honest discussion is a priority.

Here’s how you can focus on being direct instead of being harsh so you can get the results you’re looking for. 

How can you tell if you are being too harsh when giving out feedback?

In most cases, those who are too harsh when giving out feedback don’t even realize they are doing it. But we can all learn how to be more aware of ourselves, how we come off to others and how that has an impact on their performance. These are some things you can consider:

Look at the body language of the recipient. 

Do they look reserved, frozen or stiff in their body language? Or do they look relaxed? The latter indicates that they feel safe in your presence, and the former not so much. You might find that they are having a hard time with what you are discussing with them or how you are saying it. 

Being silent.

Is the recipient responding to what you are saying or are they staying quiet, even when being asked a question? This might indicate that they need time to digest what you are telling them, and sometimes silence can mean that the recipient is fearful or overwhelmed by either what you are saying or how you are saying it. 

Think about your mindset when you go into the discussion.

If you’re feeling rushed, are not fully present, or annoyed when beginning the conversation then your mindset will definitely not create a good environment for a transparent discussion with the recipient. 

Think about how you approach giving feedback and the structure that you use. 

If you tend to simply give out directions to change behavior, or realign an employee’s actions by telling them to change or do something, without any explanation, you are not presenting them with good feedback. This means you are most likely being too harsh in how you are giving them information. 

You believe in “tough love”.

If you believe in tough love, or have an “it’s my way or the highway” approach to giving out feedback and how you manage your team, then the way that you give out your feedback is almost certainly too harsh. 

The actions you take outside of feedback.

If you tend to micromanage, then this is a recipe for giving harsh feedback. This is because micromanaging does not allow individuals to experiment, fail or grow on their own terms. In many cases, micromanagers are exceedingly critical and harsh because they think that there is only one proper way to do things. Or, they usually have unrealistic expectations in terms of performance. 

Be Direct, Not Harsh

If you find yourself struggling with being too harsh when giving out feedback, here are some tips you can follow to make some changes to your coaching style.

Start with empathy.

It’s easy to look back on past conversations and ask yourself whether or not you handled it well. But it would serve you better to plan ahead and think about the conversation from the recipient’s perspective. This is working with empathy, and it can be hard to accomplish when you are frustrated with someone. 

Be clear.

The main goal of giving direct feedback is to help an employee develop certain skills or behaviors that you desire. If you cannot clearly show them the behavior or outcomes that you want to see, then that’s going to be difficult. To do this you might offer them an explanation on how you would approach a certain situation, for instance how to take a sales call, then you can take the next one together and show them the notes you took during the call. 

Be self-aware.

Before you approach an employee, make sure that you understand the purpose behind giving any feedback, which is to provide the recipient with information on their growth through changing behavior, developing skills or broadening their perspective. Keep in mind that it is your job to create an environment where they feel comfortable enough to not only listen to what you have to say but to incorporate it and make the changes needed. 

Giving feedback in the right way will help you create the high-performing team of your dreams who are able to adapt, are intrinsically motivated and emotionally connected to the overall purpose of the organization. It starts by being aware of how you are giving feedback. 

Level Up Your Team With 1Huddle

1Huddle can help you and your team stay ahead of the learning curve. We offer cloud-based employee gamification software. You can customize your content for a seamless experience and all of your employees will be able to access their training anywhere, anytime and at the push of a button. You can use our game platform to measure their performance and make key decisions on where you should take your gamification strategy next. 

Do you want to learn more about how 1Huddle can help you level up your own workforce? Talk to us today.